Well, I can't exactly say I don't know this girl. After all, we've shared the formidable bond of Facebook friendship for almost four years, elevating her status from "random stranger" to "cherished middle school acquaintance". Unfortunately, those good old days are over. Now I have to settle for understanding every detail of her personal life through her endless stream of Facebook posts, day in and day out. Despite the fact that she moved to a new home somewhere in another state, putting hundreds of miles between us and limiting our interaction solely to social media, I am proud to know that her anniversary with her boyfriend is "10.21.2013 <3 <3 <3", they have been dating for exactly one year, five months, one day, and 379 seconds, they spend every living moment of the day together with her fluffy white and brown terrier, 90% of that time is devoted to sucking each other's faces, and that "he means the world to [her] and [she] loves him sososososo much <3 <3 <3 <3". We're basically best friends, considering all the inside information I know about this girl. Too bad she has 459 other Facebook friends who could say exactly the same.
Now, don't get me wrong. I have nothing against those who are happily in love and aren't afraid to show it. Even I myself occasionally undergo the revelation that not every member of the male population belongs in a landfill. However, if we haven't spoken in four years and you've likely forgotten every trace of my existence, I think it's safe to say that I can live without knowing every detail about your relationship (much less worrying about the effectiveness of your contraception usage). So please do not be offended when I suggest you get a room. Even a chat room will suffice, my dear.
Hi Angela:
ReplyDeleteIf you are this jealous of me and my 50000 boyfriends you should have just told me!!
I liked your passive agressive third person sarcasm. Almost mistook this for a David Foster Wallace piece <33
Social media is definitely a good topic to use this tone with. It is something that has become so widespread among our generation and although it definitely has its benefits, it can also get pretty frustrating (especially when people think we CARE about things) ;)
ReplyDeleteHi Angela! Again, another blog post from you that made me chuckle! Your sarcasm was amazing. I liked how you included the opposite point of view upon this topic! Very clever I must say!
ReplyDeleteMarry me pls angela chen
ReplyDelete