The DIEmond as big as the ritz

Once upon a time, a 20th century Moses lived luxuriously on a mountain in complete isolation from society (save for his immediate family and a multitude of innocent prisoners and slaves.) Of course, this isn't just any mountain in the middle of nowhere; it's a mountain in the middle of nowhere composed of one solid diamond. Wait what?

"The Diamond as Big as the Ritz" is just one of Fitzgerald's short stories depicting the intricacies and dangers of wealth. In this highly imaginative tale, the members of the Washington family live a magical and seemingly flawless lives: they dwell in a "floating fairy-land...beyond human wish or dream", enjoy massive gardens and aquariums within their homes, and even roll out of bed (literally) each morning into warm warm bubble baths with "moving-picture" service. To say that pink elephants sent from heaven regularly roam their valleys would scarcely be a stretch.

However, beneath this utopialistic (that's not a word, is it) lifestyle lies a tradition of corruption and melancholy. In order to ensure that all of this wealth is kept solely to themselves, the Washingtons have "corrupted a whole department of the State survey" and even "had a river deflected" just to keep the diamond a secret. Braddock Washington even hides the abolition of slavery from his band of Negroes and locks up everyone who happens to come across the mountain in a dark and crowded pit. Realizing that being the only inhabitants of the middle of nowhere can be quite lonely, the Washingtons occasionally invite guests to their kingdom of diamonds to make their lives a little bit less emotionally lacking. But wait! Wouldn't these guests find out about the diamond and try to exploit the family's wealth after they leave? No problem - have fun with them today, and kill them tomorrow (a surefire way to ensure happiness, wise Washingtons.) The family is so inexperienced with true human emotion that when the youngest daughter, Kismine, hears her own name from John, she cannot help but inquire, "Did you say 'Kismine'? Or...[kiss me?]" One cannot blame her for her foolish rhetoric, however. What can we expect from someone who grew up with people who eternally trap themselves in social isolation?
Moral of the story: being wealthy is pretty depressing. Sometimes, it's better be a peasant with friends who aren't dead.